Advocating for Widowhood: Empowerment, Action, and Change

English Version: How Can We Ensure Our Voices Are Heard and Our Needs Are Understood?

(Note: You may receive this as a Spanish Version as well)

WISTERS, KNOW YOU AREN’T ALONE

The inauguration of our new U.S. President, along with recent administrative changes and executive orders, has undoubtedly stirred heightened emotions across the nation and worldwide. While we won’t delve into debates about the election itself, as a widow advocate, my focus remains clear: “How will this impact the widow community?” Widow care transcends politics—it is a bipartisan issue that requires unity and collective action to drive meaningful change.

A LITTLE CAROLYN HERSTORY

I was born in the City of Angels - Los Angeles - yet we moved when I was 4 years old to be raised as a child outside Little Rock, Arkansas, in a southern rural town which shaped my life perspective. My family experiences were shaped by the history of civil unrest in our city, I was taught by my parents to respond to struggles—both visible and silent—with compassion, kindness, and genuine care. We didn’t focus much on politics or religion, even though we attended a local Baptist church and had pastors in our family. Instead, my upbringing centered on people, relationships, and the importance of simply doing good when you could.

Looking back, I realize how sheltered I was from the complexities of political and systemic issues. Even in my marriage, these weren’t topics we often discussed. It wasn’t until I encountered what I now see as systemic neglect of women in widowhood that I truly understood the need for social support and advocacy. That realization has forever changed how I view the world—and my role in it.

As a sudden solo parent to two young daughters with no income, just one month after leaving my career to be a stay-at-home mom, my life was upended when my 36-year-old husband was killed in a hit-and-run car crash. Until that moment, my life had largely followed the path I envisioned. I had never experienced such profound injustice, and this was the ultimate trial by fire—a fight for survival for me and my daughters.

Thrown into an entirely unfamiliar world, I was at the mercy of others to guide me through decisions I barely understood. Widowhood brought an overwhelming sense of confusion and disorientation, unlike anything I had ever faced.

Even now, this memory serves as a grounding reminder during times of uncertainty. Life will always present moments of confusion and challenge, and I’ve come to accept that this is part of the human journey. What matters is how we navigate those moments with resilience and grace.

SO MANY FEELINGS

The difference between then and now lies in the evolution of my spirit—a warrior forged in the fire of grief, now armed with a voice to speak for the unseen and unheard among the widow community. It is a privilege, though born of sorrow, to channel their collective stories into awareness, to illuminate the quiet battles and unnecessary suffering that too many endure. Listening to tens of thousands of widows from all walks of life—spanning cultures, ages, and societal systems—has revealed to me the profound truth: widowhood is not merely a personal tragedy but a deeply rooted human rights issue. This understanding, though heavy, carries with it a purpose, compelling me to confront the systems and narratives that have failed them and to strive for a world where their dignity and resilience are honored.

In my 25 years as a widow and advocate, I’ve never encountered questions quite like these before, and I must admit, I didn’t have all the answers (keep scrolling as they are right after this paragraph). I had to research them, and even then, my responses may not be entirely accurate, as I am neither a lawyer nor an immigration expert. I am, at heart, a widow advocate. My role is to do the best I can with the knowledge I have acquired, offering support and compassion to those who feel underserved and in need of a voice with the platform available to me. It is my deepest hope to stand with them, offering understanding and guidance where I can.

Questions I’ve Received This Week:

1. What rights does an immigrant have if their spouse dies in the U.S.?

If an adjustment applicant would have received permanent residence on a conditional basis due to the recent nature of their marriage to the petitioning spouse, but the spouse passes away before adjustment is granted, the applicant should receive permanent residence without conditions.

2. Do you lose your green card if your spouse dies in the U.S.?

No, you may still petition for a green card as a widow or widower. In many cases, the death of a spouse does not prevent you from remaining in the U.S. or applying for permanent residency.

3. How long are you responsible for an immigrant you marry?

A sponsor remains financially responsible until one of the following occurs:

• The immigrant becomes a U.S. citizen.

• The immigrant accrues approximately 10 years of credited work toward Social Security (40 quarters).

• The immigrant permanently leaves the U.S. or passes away.

4. Can an illegal immigrant widow become a U.S. citizen?

If the U.S. citizen spouse dies before the permanent resident naturalizes, the three-year citizenship provision no longer applies. However, a widow or widower may apply for citizenship after fulfilling the standard five-year residency requirement.

If you are an attorney or expert in this area, I would deeply value the opportunity to learn from you, as I still have much to understand.

My greatest concern lies in preventing additional pain for ALL women in widowhood and their families. Female longevity is a reality, which means many immigrants and undocumented are elderly women, often widowed. Unfortunately, there are no statistics on this because such data simply isn’t collected (in any country). Yet, it’s not difficult to find families—many among my own friends—too afraid to speak up about their elderly, widowed grandmothers who are in the U.S. afraid to be separated from the only family they know and have.

The stories come to us through social media messages and anonymous emails, shedding light on the hidden struggles these women face. I call this underground communication. The underground communication surrounding widowhood needs often takes place in private, intimate spaces, such as social media groups, anonymous forums, and personal networks. Many widows reach out quietly, seeking support from others who understand their unique experiences. These spaces are crucial for creating solidarity, fostering understanding, and offering advice in a way that traditional systems and public forums often fail to do.

This is how we truly understand what is happening in the world of widowhood—through the voices of those reaching out for support and knowledge in areas they urgently need but often don’t fully grasp.

We hear from women—and families seeking help—in Afghanistan, Ukraine, the Philippines, Central America and Africa through social media, and one thing is clear: they are closely watching how we support widows in the United States. I realized this during my first trip to the United Nations in 2016 for the launch of International Widows Day on June 23, where I met some of the world’s leading widow advocates and the Global Widows Report was announced. Sadly, there were far too few advocates given the enormity of this cause.

Over the past nine years, I’ve seen widow advocacy in the United States evolve, along with the significant challenges we continue to face in being heard. A recent milestone in this journey was the state of New Jersey passing Bill SJR30 to officially commit to recognizing

June 23 as International Widows Day, marking a meaningful step forward in raising awareness and support for widows everywhere.

What We Can Do Now to Support Widows and Advocacy

Despite gathering 11,285 petition signatures, MWC widow advocates traveling to Washington, D.C. in 2022 to meet with multiple bi-partisan legislators, hosting the 1st International Widows Day Forum with a panel of experts, and even exploring the possibility of a 3-block Widows March (only to discover it would require 250 confirmed participants and $8-10K minimum investment), progress has been slow.

Yet, through our efforts, we’ve gathered undeniable evidence that widows are indeed an unidentified "People at-risk Population". We’ve shown that widows need to be respected as surviving spouses, acknowledging their vulnerability in health inequity in some areas and their phenomenal strength in others.