MONTHLY TOPIC
Creating a New Song in Life
Our October topic is found under our Emotional and Mental Health Pillar of Healthy Widowhood.
Modern Widows Club Founder Carolyn Moor gives a preview of her video:
When we sit down and write to express our emotions, we are creating a new song for our life.
Try something creative in how you express your emotions and see what you come up with. Share it with others to see how many others actually understand what you are going through. It could bring great meaning to your heart. We are all born creative and able to express ourselves in new ways.
Click below to watch Carolyn’s video.
LEGENDARY WIDOW ROLE MODEL
Zöe Keating
Photo credit: PopTech from Camden, Maine and Brooklyn, NY, USA, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
Our October Legendary Widow Role Model is Zöe Keating, a cellist and composer born in Canada in 1972 to British and American parents. Keating began playing the cello at the age of 8 and attended Sarah Lawrence College in New York, studying electronic music and contemporary composition.
Keating is a prolific composer and her songs have been featured in movies, TV shows, commercials, documentaries, video games, and dance performances.
In May 2014, Keating’s husband Jeff Rusch was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and admitted to the hospital for emergency chemotherapy after he was found to have more than 20 tumors in his brain. He also had a softball-sized tumor in one lung, plus tumors in his other lung, liver, and bones.
Soon after Rusch was hospitalized, the family received a letter from their insurance company, Anthem Blue Cross, stating that insurance coverage was denied because the hospital stay was not medically necessary.
After local media publicized the story, Anthem Blue Cross reversed its decision, telling Keating in a phone call that the hospital stay would be covered.
Jeff Rusch died at age 52, 9 months after his diagnosis, on February 19, 2015, leaving Keating a solo parent to their 4-year-old son, Alex.
Watch Keating’s 2018 TEDMED Talk “Making sense of life, loss, and love through music” here, where she shares about her journey in widowhood and how music helped her grieve, communicate her feelings, and begin her healing process.
After Rusch’s death, Keating continued to advocate for patients, data portability, and the simplification of medical insurance. In October 2016 she was invited by President Barack Obama to participate in a panel discussion about brain science and medical information at the White House Frontiers Conference. The conference, co-hosted by the University of Pittsburgh and Carnegie Mellon University, explored the future of innovation with a focus on building the United States’ capacity in science and technology.
In January 2011, Keating won the award for Contemporary Classical Album from the Independent Music Awards. Later that year she was named a Young Global Leader of the World Economic Forum. She performed at the closing ceremony of the forum's Annual Meeting in Davos, Switzerland in January 2014 and 2016.
In July 2021, her score for the HBO movie "Oslo" (co-written with composer Jeff Russo) was nominated for two Primetime Emmy Awards.
A self-described “avant cellist,” Keating performs like a one-woman orchestra. Listen to her music at zoekeating.com. Her intricate, compelling music will inspire and calm you.
Read about our other Legendary Widow Role Models here.
INTERACTIVE E-COURSES FOR WIDOWS
If you’re looking to find a purposeful, meaningful pathway forward in widowhood, we invite you to register for our interactive e-courses.
Your journey is as unique as you, and our e-courses are for widows of all ages, backgrounds, and life experiences looking to discover healing in their widowed journey.
All of our courses are designed by widows and include videos, links, and resources focused on holistic health in widowhood:
Emotional and Mental Health
Physical Health
Relational Health
Spiritual Health
Financial Health
Fun and Creative Health
Purpose and Meaning Health
Our HOPE e-course is complimentary, and the registration fee for our HEAL e-course is tax-deductible with proceeds supporting Modern Widows Club nonprofit.
Because we know widows are busy women, all courses are self-paced. Take your time or speed through each program, your choice.
WELLNESS WINDOW
Alcohol: Health Benefit or Health Risk?
By Tara Gidus Collingwood, MS, RDN, CSSD, ACSM-CPT
I just want to start out by saying “Don’t shoot the messenger!” I always present topics based on research consensus done to date. The topic of alcohol can be quite charged for people. Those who enjoy drinking may tout the potential health benefits of alcohol, while nondrinkers or people who have experienced some loss due to alcohol may be more in-tune with the health or safety risks. I enjoy a drink occasionally myself, but I will admit that after reading more and more research on the potential risk I have decreased my intake. My husband died of stomach cancer and part of me will always wonder if alcohol had an impact, even though he was not a heavy drinker.
I will go through the potential benefits first because there aren’t many compared to risks. Everything I mention for benefits is for light to moderate intake of alcohol, which will be defined later. Health risk increases greatly when the number of drinks goes beyond moderation.
Alcohol is a blood thinner. That means it may help prevent blood from clotting and cells sticking to arteries. This in turn may reduce risk of developing and dying from heart disease and stroke. This is true for all alcohol regardless of the type.
Small amounts of alcohol may raise HDL, or good, cholesterol levels.
Red wine has antioxidants called polyphenols that may protect cells from damage and promote heart health.
Very mixed evidence that moderate drinking may be protective against developing diabetes by improving insulin sensitivity.
Please do not start drinking because of these potential benefits. You can take a baby aspirin to thin your blood a little bit (discuss with your physician first, of course). You can exercise aerobically to raise your HDL cholesterol. You can drink 4 ounces of concord grape juice or eat a variety of fruits and veggies to get the antioxidants in red wine. You can eat right, exercise regularly, and maintain a healthy weight to reduce risk of diabetes.
Click below to continue reading Tara’s article.
Tara Gidus Collingwood is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, Certified Personal Trainer, and fellow Wister. You can find her at dietdiva.net.
VIRTUAL MENTORING PROGRAM FOR WIDOWS
PIVOT Mentoring Program: Six Months of Hope, Healing, Support, and Growth
Registration is now open for PIVOT January through June 2023. In this 6-month virtual mentoring program hosted by MWC Founder Carolyn Moor, you’ll find support, inspiration, and guidance on becoming a strong and constant axis in your own life as you pivot and grow in widowhood.
The Positive Changes Our Previous Participants Have Experienced
“PIVOT opened my eyes to what I couldn’t see in early widowhood that I needed.” Pam
“This program is the next growth step. I’ve been with Modern Widows Club for six years, and I needed to step into something that put me first.” Jessica
“Being involved in PIVOT gave me the support and resources to find my new self after my husband passed away. I was able to realize that there was a future for me, rather than “What happens now?” Beth
“PIVOT has opened up a whole new world to me. New opportunities and resources that I hadn’t known existed. It’s okay to be happy and I’m finding more of who I am. Someone who is living my life through my heart and not my head.” Terri
“I would highly recommend the PIVOT program to widows at any stage. There is so much more life and love to give. Life doesn’t have to stop with the death of our loved one. Let this great organization help guide you through widowhood.” Kelli
“I loved being a part of the PIVOT program. The ability to have one-on-one teaching and guidance from someone who knows widows, has a heart for widows, and has the knowledge and education to support and make a difference in the lives of widows is incredibly impactful.” Alicia
This is Carolyn’s only 1:1 mentoring program with Modern Widows Club, and space is limited to 15 attendees.
Click below to learn more about this powerful program.
MENTAL HEALTH MOMENTS
Ask a Therapist
By Cyndi Williams, MSW, LCSW
How do I get unstuck and motivated to reach out and live my own life now that I’m single again?
Sometimes getting unstuck is as simple as the Nike slogan “Just Do It”! Make an agreement with yourself that seems manageable, such as not turning down any social invites or committing to reaching out to one friend per week to make plans.
If you aren’t sleeping well or eating healthily, this can contribute to a lack of physical energy and motivation. Mental health support may also help if you’ve been feeling stuck for a while and can’t seem to un-stick yourself.
I suggest trying to motivate yourself in baby steps. If that does not work, then reach out to your doctor to make sure there isn’t anything underlying going on with your physical health. If your doctor feels there is not a physical/medical reason for your lack of motivation or energy, then schedule an appointment with a licensed counselor in your area to learn new ways to cope and how to lean into your new single life with that extra emotional and practical support.
My husband passed August 10, 2021. He was 77 years old. We had been married 48 years. I want to find face-to-face grief counseling in my area, but since I don’t drive I’m finding it difficult. Any suggestions?
Transportation for accessing healthcare is a serious problem for many older adults, and my heart goes out to those who have this difficulty. Unfortunately, this is not within my specialty area as a therapist. I would suggest considering reaching out to nonprofit hospices in your area because they sometimes offer bereavement support to the community regardless of whether a loved one died while under their care.
Also, Medicare may be able to offer assistance or referral for transportation to your appointments. If that doesn’t lead to a solution, transportation options such as Uber or Lyft are sometimes more cost-effective than the traditional taxi service if that is financially realistic for you.
Is there a question you'd like to ask a licensed therapist? Questions can be submitted anonymously, and may be featured in a future issue of Inside Look.
Widowed in 2013, Cyndi Williams, LCSW is a mental health advisor and contributor for Modern Widows Club. She has more than a decade of experience supporting families navigating grief and loss. She currently works as a mental health therapist at Family Life Counseling in St. Louis, Missouri. Follow her on Facebook at CyndiWilliamsLCSW.
GUEST CONTRIBUTOR
Discovering the Abyss
By Janice Talbert
It was a spark of an idea that wouldn’t let go of me. During a phone conversation with another Wister, I used the word “abyss” as an attribute of grief, and an image flashed in my mind. After the call, I was compelled to draw a simple representation, but that wasn’t enough to satiate what was pulling at me. I wrote a sentence and then another, which only prompted more writing. Soon, I had my laptop out and words flowed onto the screen. I gave into the emotions and imagery that tugged at my soul until they were spent.
Over the course of several weeks, I read the piece aloud and made small refinements, but the core of what emerged in that sudden burst remains. I was 10 months into my widowhood journey and still in deep grief, which is where “Path of the Abyss” begins. Fortunately, I found Modern Widows Club months earlier and had been exposed to hope and growth, which is where “Path of the Abyss” ends.
Reading it to share by video, I realized I was no longer at the beginning of the poem, but also not yet at the end. I wish you peace on your journey.
Watch "Path of the Abyss" Video
Download a PDF of "Path of the Abyss" here.
Janice lost her husband and soulmate, Mark, on January 25, 2021, 18 months after his sudden diagnosis of Stage 4 prostate cancer. Two months later, she found Modern Widows Club. Janice lives in a small foothill town on a road to the Sequoias.
MWC ART CLUB
We’re excited to bring Art Club back in collaboration with Dr. Linda Shanti McCabe!
Beginning November 5, mark your calendar for the 1st Saturday of each month from 12pm to 1:30pm ET.
Dr. McCabe will be helping you create your very own SoulCollage deck of cards. A pack of 12 blank cards is $8 and you can purchase them here. Other than the cost of your supplies, there are no fees for joining the Art Club!
In addition to your blank SoulCollage cards, we encourage you to have the following items available:
Scissors
Glue stick
Images cut from magazines, such as landscapes, animals, shapes, or any elements that resonate with you (ideal images are those with no words, as SoulCollage cards usually do not contain text) plus images of the person/people who have had a significant impact on your life. You can often obtain old magazines for free from your local library or doctor's office.
You can join every month or as your schedule allows. This is an ongoing and continual Art Club that will evolve each month. If any additional supplies are needed for a particular month, you will be notified in that month's meeting reminder email.
To sign up, click the button below and update your mailing list preferences to include mailings from our Art Club.
INSPIRATIONAL VIDEO SERIES
Rewriting Your Narrative
In this video, Modern Widows Club Program Support Manager Cindy Toledo shares her thoughts about our October topic, “Creating a New Song in Life,” and rewriting your narrative.
We’d love to hear about the new song you are writing in your life, whether it’s actually a song or a poem, or just creating a different tune to the life you are living.
Editor's Note: You didn't miss an issue! Inside Look was not published on Thursday, October 13, but we're back to our regular biweekly schedule. Watch for the next issue of Inside Look to arrive on Thursday, November 10.
modernwidowsclub.org
844-4-A-WIDOW
insidelook@modernwidowsclub.org