MONTHLY TOPIC
Love Like a Modern Widow
Our February 2023 topic is found under our Physical Health Pillar of Healthy Widowhood. Modern Widows Club Founder Carolyn Moor gives a preview of this month’s video:
This month we’re exploring what it means to love like a modern widow. So, I need to first encourage everyone to understand and define for themselves: What is a modern widow?
When I first created the name Modern Widows Club, there were many questions about why I named it this. Well, the first widow I mentored wanted to name it Young Widows Club — and by all means, she was young, in her 20s. I was very flattered, as a 40-something woman, when she said “You are young too!” I thought about it for a while but it just didn’t feel right.
I woke up the next morning and the idea for Modern Widows Club was born. Why? Because modern means “right now.” If you look at the dictionary you will find the description “relating to the present or recent times as opposed to the remote past.” I felt this encompassed every widowed woman I knew.
This was our life in the present moment. So, Modern Widows Club stuck. Although I don’t know a woman on earth who loves the word “widow,” being a “modern widow” enabled me to see myself in the present moment.
Loving ourselves is the first step in choosing to walk this life with much integrity, strength and courage.
Click below to watch Carolyn’s video about our monthly topic.
LEGENDARY WIDOW ROLE MODEL
Tembi Locke
Our February 2023 Legendary Widow Role Model, Tembekile “Tembi” Locke, was born in 1970 in Houston, Texas. An actress and writer, her first professional acting experience was in 1990 on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” where she played a love interest for Will Smith’s character.
Tembi is well-known from numerous TV shows, including “Castle,” “NCIS,” “Never Have I Ever,” and “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” However, the popular Netflix limited series “From Scratch” isn’t a forum for her acting. Instead, it’s her memoir — an adaptation of the story of her love for her late husband Rosario “Saro” Gullo, adapted by producer Reese Witherspoon and writer Marguerite MacIntyre.
In 1990, when Tembi was 20, she moved to Florence, Italy as part of an exchange program from Wesleyan University. There she met Saro, a Sicilian chef, who worked at a restaurant near the National Museum of the Bargello.
Just as in a television drama, they first had to overcome obstacles, such as his traditional Sicilian family’s reluctance to embrace the Black American daughter of civil rights activists. They married in 1995. Tembi became fluent in Italian and acted in Italian television before they moved to the United States together. Their love expanded to include the adoption of a daughter, Zoela, born in 2005.
In 2002, Saro was diagnosed with leiomyosarcoma, a rare form of cancer that starts in the soft muscle tissue. Tembi cared for Saro for 10 years, until he passed away in 2012.
In her memoir, written years later, Tembi tracks three summers spent in Sicily after Saro’s death. There she finds literal and spiritual nourishment with her mother-in-law and the loving community. This healing journey has now grown to include a web series, “The Kitchen Widow,” where she combines her vegetarian lifestyle with conversations about grief.
Tembi is the sister of bestselling author Attica Locke, who co-wrote the Netflix script for “From Scratch.” She’s a TEDx speaker on resilience and is involved in several social activism programs.
Read about our other Legendary Widow Role Models here.
#WIDOWSMATTER
Are You a Widow? We Need Your Help!
As part of our commitment to listening to those who are struggling in widowhood and spotlighting the great invisible needs of widowed women, Modern Widows Club is collaborating with Washington University in St. Louis to develop a widowhood research database.
Will you please take 15 minutes to complete our survey? Your responses will help both organizations better understand the challenges, health, and well-being of widowed women.
As a thank you for your time, the first 1,000 survey respondents will be eligible to receive a check for $25. If you’d like, you can choose to donate your $25 to Modern Widows Club, which will help provide programs and services for the next widow who comes to us. (Please note: Checks can only be issued in U.S. dollars and mailed to U.S. addresses. Limit one check per address.)
You may have participated in a survey we emailed in December. This is a different survey, and we hope you can help us by completing this one too.
Once you’ve completed the survey, please share it on your personal social media pages, in widow groups you’ve joined, or directly with friends. The survey is for all widowed women, even if they are not part of Modern Widows Club.
The survey will be live through the end of February, but please don’t wait — remember that the first 1,000 respondents are eligible to receive a $25 check, or donate the funds to MWC to show love and support for our mission.
Thank you for your time, and for helping us better understand the history and needs of widows around the world.
MWC SPECIAL EVENT
Join Us April 29 for WEE 2023 Virtual
Spend an informative, insightful Saturday with Modern Widows Club as we present an impressive lineup of speakers and experts offering relevant content for everyone in widowhood.
Join other Wisters (widow + sisters) from around the world for this don’t-miss one-day virtual event, designed to empower you and help you transform your grief after loss into a positive, purposeful future.
WEE 2023 Virtual registration is just $50 per person, and it’s a tax-deductible charitable contribution.
We hope you’ll join us for this special day designed to help you find hope, healing, growth, and a healthy pathway forward.
MENTAL HEALTH MOMENTS
Empowerment in Modern Widowhood
By Cyndi Williams, MSW, LCSW
When I lost my husband at just 38 years old, “widow” was a title I could not relate to on any level. Being young and unmarried, I found society often tried to label me as “single,” which also did not feel right.
My faith has always been very important to me, but I realized I didn’t know what the Bible had to say about widows other than the directive to care for widows and orphans. I studied Christian scriptures and was surprised to learn that guidance for how I should live as a widow was scarce, and anything but hopeful.
I participated in several grief groups, but found that most were focused on the loss itself, and lacked advice or guidance about moving forward in my life.
After a couple of years and a lot of searching for community, I found Modern Widows Club. I began to see strength in other widows, and my respect for them helped me to see myself in a new light.
The title of widow has become one I am proud to possess alongside my Wisters. My identity as a “modern widow” is empowering and hopeful in a way that feels authentic.
A modern widow is hopeful for her future. A modern widows moves forward in life while reaching back to take the hand of other widows through mentorship to help them along the way.
A modern widow may need help but also knows that she has what it takes to face the day, and that she doesn’t have to do it alone.
Widowed in 2013, Cyndi Williams is a mental health advisor and contributor for Modern Widows Club. Follow her on Facebook at CyndiWilliamsLCSW.
MWC BOOK CLUB
Join Us for Our February Book Club
Love to read and chat about books? Join our Book Club for a great discussion on Zoom the third Monday of each month.
Our next meeting is February 20 at 8pm ET, when we’ll be discussing From Scratch by Tembi Locke.
“I wanted her to know that love can come in many forms. Sometimes it can look like letting go, but it can also look like never letting go. That one day she might have to love someone in ways the world wasn’t ready for. That reaching for that kind of love would bring with it struggle, but in the end, it could be grander than her wildest imaginings.”
― Tembi Locke, From Scratch
If you haven’t yet read From Scratch, we hope you’ll pick up a copy and then join us for a thoughtful discussion. Click the button below to register.