MONTHLY TOPIC
Grateful Giving and Grateful Receiving
Our November 2023 topic is found under our Relational Health Pillar of Healthy Widowhood. MWC Founder Carolyn Moor shares a preview of this month’s video:
Even if you feel you have nothing to be grateful for in widowhood — and you have every right to feel that way — I want to present to you a pivot mindset, if you will allow me.
I truly know how it feels in early widowhood to be angry at the world and live in all the bitterness that is very real and substantiated because of the deep sorrow you are experiencing.
Feel it all, yet give it only so much hospitality when you are ready and able.
Stay open to something else less painful in your life. I know that moment came for me. I needed to believe that there was something for my future.
Grateful giving and receiving is a holistic approach. It’s the waypower that I spoke of earlier this year in my January topic video (click to watch it again).
Because willpower will only take you so far. You need to pair it with waypower.
Waypower in this case is understanding the power of gratitude in a season where gratitude is hard to grasp.
Dr. Lucy Hone, author of Resilient Grieving: How to Find Your Way Through a Devastating Loss, wrote “Gratitude helps us deal with our grief by enabling us to focus on what we have, rather than exclusively focusing on what we have lost.”
She said you could frame it like this…
Watch Carolyn’s video for more.
MENTORING PROGRAM
Stand in Your Power with PIVOT
You’re invited to join our PIVOT 6-Month Virtual Mentoring Program with MWC Founder Carolyn Moor.
As you embark on this highly-personal journey, you’ll focus on pivoting, fostering personal growth, and rebuilding your life in these areas:
January: Emotional & Mental Health
“I feel guilty taking a break to care for me and I’m missing the me that used to be with them.”
February: Physical Health
“Finding the motivation is difficult. I need more awareness to move and transform myself.”
March: Financial Health
“I have to take my power back in this area. I’ve been taken advantage of for too long.”
April: Spiritual Health
“Time to stop the damage to my soul.”
May: Relational Health
“I’ve realized not to settle because you’re lonely. To see your value and look for it in others as well.”
June: Purpose & Meaning Health/Fun & Creative Health
“You get to have a new identity.”
“I forgot how important tapping into my creativity energy was to healing.”
The impactful PIVOT Program is guided by mentors, fosters community growth, and cultivates and fortifies your Core Pillars on the Healthy Widowhood Pathway.
“I am pivoting. I am standing in my power, and I know it is because I took the time to do the work inspired by PIVOT. Take the time, use the Modern Widows Club resources, and PIVOT.” – Diane B.
This transfiguring PIVOT journey runs from January through June 2024. Please note that we have limited this opportunity to 20 participants. Click below to learn more.
WELLNESS WINDOW
Focus on Health and Happiness This Holiday Season
By Tara Gidus Collingwood, MS, RDN, CSSD, ACSM-CPT
With all the temptations during the holiday season — leftover Halloween candy, party bubblies, heavy hors d’oeuvres, holiday meals, Christmas candy — it can be challenging to keep that weight off over the course of the season. Compile that with the grief that we all experience, especially over the holiday season.
It’s often reported that the average weight gain over the holiday season is 5-10 pounds, and while this may be the case for some people, research suggests that the average American gains just one pound. The problem? Gaining that pound year after year can add up to a good amount of weight over many years.
Ask Why
One of the simplest things you can do this holiday season is to ask yourself “why?” Before you put food or drink into your mouth, figure out WHY you are eating it. This will help you to differentiate eating based on biological hunger and emotional hunger.
Emotional or comfort eating is the major cause of weight gain over the holidays, so before you start munching, check in with yourself to make sure you are physically hungry. If you’re hungry, eat! If you’re feeling emotional —sad, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed — phone a Wister (widow + sister) for support, go for a walk, meditate, exercise, or do some other form of selfcare.
Aim for Balance
Choose a good source of protein, fiber from vegetables or fruit, and healthy fat to comprise most of your meals and snacks. This balance aids in fullness, so hopefully the holiday cookies won’t tempt you as much.
Don’t Save Up for the Big Meal
Eating light, and often, helps keep blood glucose stable, which is key to managing a healthy weight over the holidays. A one-big-meal-a-day mentality will only set you up for over-indulgence (and accompanying weight gain). Keep it consistent by eating every 3-4 hours because it helps with portion control.
Click below to continue reading Tara’s article.
Tara Gidus Collingwood is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, Certified Personal Trainer, and fellow Wister. You can find her at dietdiva.net.
MWC PARENTING CLUB
Support for Widows with Kids of All Ages
Did you know that Modern Widows Club has a Parenting Club? It’s open to widows with children of all ages, offering a place to grow as confident guides for every stage of our children’s lives.
Navigating a new reality, supporting children’s grief, and finding new purpose can feel daunting. No one “gets it” like another widowed parent, and the collective wisdom of strong widows makes the this club truly extraordinary.
The Parenting Club is excited to announce new offerings beginning January 2024!
Expanded information about widowed parenting will be shared through our private Facebook group and a periodic newsletter
A directory of local bereavement resources and grief camps for children will be available
Monthly Zoom calls will be scheduled to foster connections between our members
A Modern Widows Club family travel opportunity has been scheduled for June 2024
We’ve also created a brief survey to help us better understand and address the needs of our members. If you’re a widowed parent — whether or not you’re currently a member of our Parenting Club — will you please take 5 minutes before November 30, 2023 to complete the survey?
Our Parenting Club Facilitator is Michelle W., who was widowed in late 2005 with 7- and 9-year-old daughters. As she navigated her life post-loss, she discovered a unique power from connections with other widows who provided community, encouragement, and the unique friendship of “someone who gets it.” Now that her children are grown, she is committed to fostering widow connections. Soon to complete a Master’s Degree in Family & Human Development, Michelle is excited to support and encourage Modern Widows Club parents.
#GIVINGTUESDAY
Join Us for Giving Tuesday, November 28
At Modern Widows Club, support matters. Widows who come to us participate in effective widowhood programs and services long after most become ineligible for traditional grief support.
We believe that every widow deserves the opportunity to quickly connect with community, friendships, and crucial support systems to help set them on a pivotal, purposeful road to holistic health.
#GivingTuesday, the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Cyber Monday, is a day designated for people around the world to come together through acts of generosity.
Modern Widows Club is one of the nonprofit charities participating in Giving Tuesday. You can help us continue to serve widows nationally, internationally, and virtually by making a tax-deductible donation on November 28 or at any time beforehand.
On behalf of our organization and all of the widows we serve, thank you for your kindness.
A WIDOW’S PATH
Necessary Stillness
By Janice Talbert
As we know, widowhood is not a straightforward path. There are twists and turns, ups and downs, and we can sometimes hit a repeating loop. It can feel empty or overwhelming, or a jumble of both and more.
Recently, I spoke with a new widow who was faced with finding a repairman. She was angry, anxious, and wanted to cry all at once. She said what she really wanted to do was go back to bed or zone out on her phone. I told her it was okay to do either. We need inactive time to help process our grief. Lately, I’ve become even more aware of that truth as I faced my own repeating loop.
COVID hit soon after my husband Mark was diagnosed, so we spent his illness and decline mostly alone. After he passed, I spent the better part of 1-1/2 years isolated. Then after I started going back into the office, I was hit with vertigo and couldn’t drive for about 6 months — so, more solo-time.
I’ve known for years that I need to take breaks away from people to “cocoon,” but this isolation has been excessive, and I became almost averse to going outside or meeting up with friends. I spent most of my time in the house and became more and more inactive. I finally told myself, “I really don’t care,” which basically gave me permission to do nothing. Of course, then I’d berate myself for my inactivity and try to do something. Sit, berate, try, repeat — I’ve been in this loop for a while.
I recently read about the “I-don’t-give-a-[***]” stage of grief. I asked my counselor if that’s what I’d been experiencing. She said she would rephrase this as: “I didn’t have it within me during this time,” which, of course, feels better.
For the past several months, I’ve been taking steps out of seclusion, and I’ve been giving this topic a lot of thought. I do believe my predisposition towards “cocooning” was super-charged by COVID and vertigo. However, I also believe that inactivity or stillness can be a necessary part of growing around grief.
During my solo time, I zoned out to a lot of television, but I also read, wrote, had tantrums, talked with friends and family, cried, and laughed out loud to TV shows. My counselor wasn’t concerned for me because she saw that though I was sedate, I wasn’t stuck internally. I know this because I kept checking in with her about it.
I understand everyone is different. I have a friend who lost her adult son, and she does all she can to stay completely busy. That’s how she lives with her grief. I also know we must each find our own way. I wonder if any of you have found alone time, isolation, or cocooning to be both as frustrating and useful as I have?
Janice lost her husband and soulmate, Mark, in January 2021. Two months later, she found Modern Widows Club.